Ok, so I'm alerting everyone this post is probably going to be really boring with no pictures to share, but I'm having a problem figuring stuff out- lately I can't seem to be able to make decisions on my own, fearing I may make bad decisions. So I've been branching out, trying to find support and advice from people who have walked the walk, and talked the talk. Or maybe just some downright good support.
I know I've always said in the past, because of the circumstances we're in, that I wouldn't want to even THINK about having another child until Jacen is at least 5 years old. Financially it's not advisable, and for sanity purposes, it's just too hard on me. Well... I had to think long and hard about this because since my school plans changed, my personal decision of when to have another child had to get up on the pedestal and be analyzed.
If it was up to Elijah, we'd already have 3 kids at this point. LOL No, we'd be pregnant again with our second. And he understands the situation and is gladly waiting until I decide it's time to stop trying NOT to get pregnant. But because he'd say, "Let's have another one", I already know what his decision is, and it doesn't help mine as much.
The original plan was to have a child after I got my bachelor's, just in time to deliver and start medical school. Jacen would be 4-5 years old and everything would be peachy keen. Except I found some flaws to this plan, since it has been changed. Who would want to father a newborn and deal with a 5 year old as a single parent while the wife is out slaving in front of the books? It'd be extremely hard for Elijah.
Here's the time plan I'm having to look at:
A) We either get pregnant now and have our kids 2 years apart. That will give them a chance to be close and the youngest will be about 2 when I start med school, and they won't miss me that much. The problem: who can afford another child at CNA wages?!
B) We get pregnant as soon as I finish my bachelor's (in roughly 2 years). Jacen will be a bit older (3-4 yrs old), and Elijah will be the only one taking care of a newborn, and that's if I get accepted into med school the first time around.
C) Wait until med school and residency are all done, roughly 10 years from now. It'll be great, I'll still be in my early 30's and we'll definitely be able to afford one then.... but poor Jacen! He won't have anyone to play with for 10 years!
So far, I've asked a couple of people at work, and they definitely go with choice A. You can never afford your kids, no matter how much money you make.
Any thoughts? I'm putting up a poll on the right hand side and I'd like some votes, please! And maybe if you wouldn't mind commenting on this post as to why you chose what you did, that would be just fabulous. Thank you!
Oh, and I'm sorry this is so long.
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16 comments:
Ugh, I can't vote on this! I understand all the choices, and when you factor out med school, we're in the same spot. However in any case, I lean closest to A, but dunno if I will cast an actual vote. Only advice in that case is, get Jacen potty-trained before baby #2 comes along! Who wants to/can afford buying diapers (x2).
I don't think I can really vote either...but I wish you luck in your decision making!!:) I know it's hard.
we are leaning more towards a or b.. c just seems like forveer away.. but we hope that you decide what right for your family!!
I feel your pain I really do. If I were in your shoes I would do B. three to four years is great spacing. most of the horrable tantrums are almost over, potty training is almost over, and when you are trying to do homework it is nice when one is old enough to sit and entertain themselfs with a movie. Good luck babe!
I agree with Sadie, and if it were me, I would choose option B. Good luck with figuring out what to do!
I say A or B. 10 years is so far apart, that wouldnt be fun. but whatever decision you guys make will be a good one. it'll all work out.
That's a tough decision. Good luck
I would go with A. Especially if you have another boy. You will have everything you need, and it shouldn't really cost that much more that first year. It is so true that you will never feel like you have enough money for your kids because the more you make the more you somehow spend and it just never works out the way you want it to anyways. Don't go with option b because you will beat yourself up that you missed out on your child's first years of life, and your poor husband will probably go crazy! I just don't think men were made to take care of newborns. I would forsure not choose C. Poor Jacen will be so lonely while you are in school. He will need a buddy to play with while you are studying and daddy is helping out around the house. It's amazing how much a 1 and 3 year old can entertain themselves :)
I don't know what to tell you, but we have been in the same situation. I was a only child until I was 5 and I was never close with my brother and sister growing up, so I wanted my kids to be closer together. Jack and Logan are 2 1/2 years apart and its pretty good, and I know that they will be buddies when Logan can start to interact more with Jack. I know how you fell about the money thing, we don't make much on my dental assistant salary, but we are making it work. The Lord will provide a way if its supposed to be.
I know how you feel because we are struggling with that same decision right now! But only you and Elijah know what is best for your family. I wouldn't let anyone convince you what you should or shouldn't do; everyone's situation is SOOO different from any other family. Just do what feels right after a lot of prayer and contemplation...
Easier said than done, right? ;)
I really think that you never seem financially ready to have a baby. Nate and I were thinking by now we would be, and were making way more money than when we started off, but it still seems like were not.
Option B has the financial strain also though. Maybe even more if you end up in med school. I vote A or B. My brother and I are 8 years apart and we had no relationship growing up. I basically felt like an only child so I wouldnt do C if it was me.
That's a tough choice Silvia, I am not sure what I'd do either if I were in your boat. :/ I think the best way to figure it out is by spending a couple days pretending that you've decided on one of those choices, and see how you feel. Pray about it as if you've made your choice and ask Heavenly Father to let you know through your thoughts and feelings if that's the right choice. And then do that with each choice. That might sound dumb, but that's kind of how I make some of my decisions, it's just too hard for me to decide when I have more than one option, I get too overwhelmed. Good luck, I know you guys will make the right choice :)
Granpa Roy is ready to get down on his knees to help you out!!
Seriously, we will support you in what ever decision you make; you know that! Speaking from experience, Elijah and Jenn were almost 3 yrs. apart, and Elijah was such a help to me and kept Jennifer entertained all the time. She would laugh more for him and react more to him than anyone else.
Grandpa Caswell has his vote - but it is and only can be a decision between you and Elijah.
I echo what Susan says - and from my own experience. I am only 14 months older than Uncle Ken - and we were playmates - and have been close. It has been much harder to be close to Aunt Diane because she is 10 years younger than me - our shared time together is very limited.
I say have another one if it happens than it was the right time. the lord will provide! he wants these spirits to come down and you two are great parents iam sure! that is my vote, ... your friend alisalee
You've seen our boys interact with each other. Most of the time they play great. They are 2 years apart, and it has worked out really well. From your facebook comment, maybe you already know when number two will be here. What I know, school was hard both MacKay and I were in school while I was pregnant with Mymy, and I finished when he was 1 1/2. But I also know that I am glad I have both boys now. It will be nice 30 years down the road when all of our kids are grown and on their own. We will be in our 50's still young enough to enjoy everything about life. I also believe the further apart between kids the harder it will be to go back to having a newborn. For number two I recommend 2 to 3 years between the kids.
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