10 years!

Gosh, time has slipped by and I didn't even make a note of this big event in my life that happened a month ago. I think I mostly ignored it because I had to work that day and I forgot about it until today. HA!

So as of the 31st of January, I've been living in the United States for 10 YEARS! It's insane how my life changed. I came from this

to this

(sorry so blurry)

and it's been quite the change, to be honest. Mountains aren't my thing, you know? They're pretty to look at, but the beach is so much more fun. The waves are constantly changing and the dynamics are awesome. There's a reason my background to the blog is a beach! I love it. And I miss it.

I haven't seen my family in over 10 years now and it makes me sad. I wish it wasn't so darn expensive to go (it's at least $2000 for both of us; $6000 if we go over Christmas time). But one day when I can afford it, I'll definitely go back. My dad's coming with his wife in June though, I'm thrilled. It's been two years since I've seen him and when I did see him, I had just had Jacen and I was sick, and so was he. Daily trips to the hospital for 9 days were not how envisioned spending quality time with my dad!

I still remember being on the plane coming here and just being sick as a dog... couldn't figure out why. When we got off the plane in Newark, NJ, we had the opportunity to experience american food for the first time: McDonald's. And believe it or not, it tastes different than it does in Brazil (in fact, I like the way it tastes in Brazil better than here). But I had something I had never had at a McDonald's in Brazil which was hot chocolate. I was amazed they even served that! I burned my tongue big time because I couldn't read "Caution, the contents may be hot". So lesson learned. Turned out 2 days later I was even sicker and fainted in the bathroom while my mom was brushing my hair. Went to the doctor and found out I had bronchitis and the flu at the same time.

Also that week I experienced snow for the first time. I was disappointed. It's the same stuff that's in old freezers. Nothing new there!

Then on the 29th of February (yeah, leap year!) my little brother was born. He'll be 10 years old this week. I can't believe how time flies. Couldn't speak a lick of English to my neighbor to let him know our car had broken down half a block down from our house and needed him to take my mom into the hospital in his police car. All that came out was "Mom!", "Baby!", "Water!" "Car!", "Broken!". Good times.

I had a rough adjustment, with a bout of severe depression that was undiagnosed for years until I had a major breakdown and landed in the hospital about a year and a half after getting here, but it turned out okay. I met Elijah six months later and things began to take shape.

Graduated from Cottonwood High School with Honors - imagine that! The girl with the thick accent spoke at high school graduation. Who would've thunk?!- and got a scholarship to go to the U. Then I got married. Then 3 years later I had a kid. I graduated from the Community College with Honors, and English isn't even my primary language!!!

Lots have happened in the last ten years. I'm grateful to be here. I love it here. I'm glad my parents gave me and my brother a chance to come here and choose how our lives were going to take place.

One thing I haven't done while living here is skiing and snowboarding. I wish I could do it because I like the cold so much, but just can't afford an expensive habit.

On another note... an update on the crisis of last week: the whole terrible two's issue escalated until saturday night, when Jacen didn't fall asleep until 5am. But since then he's been quieter, sleeping well, and eating better. Maybe it was just one of those weeks that you want to throw the memories of in the garbage of the brain. Strange. Kids are strange sometimes, but we love them anyways! Thanks for the support. Sometimes I don't know what in the world I'm doing.. well, I should say all the time :)

This motherhood thing...

Some people have asked me if Elijah and I are going to have a another baby soon because Jacen's nearing the two year mark and you know, kids are usually spaced out two years apart. Well, to people's horror and disbelief, I tell them no. And in fact, we're done having kids. This has actually been a decision that both of us (Elijah isn't 100% going for it still but he understands the situation) made a few weeks ago, way before Jacen got into the Terrible Two's mode.

We tried for a few months last year to have another one. Elijah wanted another one, and Jacen could benefit from having a sibling, so we tried. I tried for the sake of the boys, because I don't want another one. Obviously, we tried without success and then we had to make a decision: do we try again this year or do we wait 10 years? There's just no way I'm gonna have another baby around the time I'm taking the MCAT and applying for med schools and flying around to interview. But also, it'd be tough to have another one in 10 years because we'd be pretty much starting all over again, not to mention the age difference would be of about 12 years and they wouldn't know each other very well. So our decision was to stop and get a cat instead (that'll be Jacen's birthday gift this year).

I know Elijah would love more kids. He wants three of them. I, on the other hand, never wanted any. But we failed to discuss this issue before we got married, and then the unthinkable happened: I got pregnant. I cried hysterically the day I found out. But it was something I needed to be grateful for considering I was told we could never have kids unless I had medical intervention. So we got Jacen.

I feel terrible that now that Jacen's growing up and has gotten into the Terrible Two's stage, I feel very inadequate to be a mom. I mean, I can handle pre-med school stuff all day and deal with all these things that I have to do, but when it comes down to handling a nearly 2 year old boy throwing himself on the ground and crying and screaming at the top of his lungs because he can't play with the power outlet, I get frazzled. And I REALLY don't know what to do. I wasn't made for this.

You know how people sometimes make the mistake of sending a text message to the wrong person? Well, more and more often now I feel like Jacen was sent to me by mistake. I've cried more in the last couple of months because of this than I have in years put together. I'm not a crier at all, and for me to be crying over motherhood issues is so tough for me. This is something I'm not handling well and I am terrified.

The only thing I could think of doing is to pray every morning for patience to last me through the day. I tried it this morning (along with a fountain of waterworks) and let's see if it does the trick. If it doesn't, then I don't know what else to do.

If I can't handle one child, how am I supposed to handle two, or let alone three?!

Valentine's Day

Ahhh... Valentine's Day. What a cute day. Everyone exchanges treats and sweet cards and it's just so lovey-dovey. Guys go out to buy flowers for their ladies and expensive jewelry is purchased on credit.
I'm sooo the opposite.

This year we had to celebrate it early because I had to work yesterday all day and there was no way I was going to have any energy left over to do anything. Therefore, on Friday, when I came home from school early in the morning, I found a box of chocolates with two cards sitting on our dining room table.

Elijah has learned from years past that I could probably kill him for getting me flowers. I can't stand getting flowers. It's like giving me a football for my birthday. I don't know what to do with them, which is why they die in two-three days. They just sit there and look pretty, but have no other useful function. So he learned to either get me chocolate or to buy me something I could really use. I don't require expensive jewelry or tons of flowers and gifts. Make it simple; and that makes me happy.

One card was from Elijah and the other was from Jacen. I loved both of them! Jacen even scribbled on the envelope, which made my day :)

Then I had to go to school yet again in the afternoon, and my dear friend Crystal told me about a store that's just in Sugar House called The Old Dutch Store. I had been thinking of getting Elijah something from Europe for V-day but I wasn't sure what until I realized they probably sold Haribo Gummy Bears. So Jacen and I got in the car and went to it. I can't believe I've never been there.

That store has nearly everything from Europe (Finland, Sweden, Germany, Switzerland, etc.) It was awesome! I couldn't read anything except for the store signs and some funny T-shirts they sold, but I found the Haribo Gummy Bears and some Kinder Egg chocolate bars. Elijah really appreciated it, and I'll be sure to be visiting that store more often for great cheese and some other yummy foods :)

Then I dropped Jacen off at grandma's for a couple hours so Elijah and I could go to Chili's. I love that place, especially the Molten Chocolate Cake dessert they have (which, by the way, they have new flavors now and we got the Chocolate Chip Molten Cake- SO good!!!). It was nice and quiet and we were able to go right in and get a table. LOVE IT! What a great day!

Boys and their video games

Boys will always be boys... I guess this video game obsession is in their genes :)

Ahhh... nothing like father and son play time.

Tigger and Pooh

Elijah: "Should we watch Winnie the Pooh?"

Jacen: "Poopie?!" *runs and grabs stuffed Winnie the Pooh bear from bed* "POOPIE!!! Poopie, poopie, POOPIE!!!"

Elijah: "Jacen, give Pooh Bear a kiss."

Jacen: "Awww... Poopie. mwah!"

Thank you, Pooh Bear and Tigger for teaching my son how to say the word 'poop'. We're now one step closer to potty training.