I was watching the Rachael Ray show this morning, like I regularly do, and this lady was on there, and she loves to bake. In fact, her husband got the whole kitchen remodeled, and with it, they bought a new stove/oven. Because they got a new oven, her baking took off, and she's so obsessed with it that she will go as far as using a hair net when she's baking cupcakes for her daughter's class. Which is fine, I mean, I wouldn't want anyone's hair in my cupcake! So it's all fun and games until she says something along the lines like "I think it's important for a mom to stay at home with her kids and to have the house smelling like baked goods when they come home from school. It's what moms should do"- or something like that.
Wow.
I admire moms who stay at home. Holy cow, if I could mentally and financially handle it, I would. It takes such an enormous amount of patience to stay at home. But staying at home isn't the best fit for every mom.
Then the other day I was talking to someone, and she said what I was doing was unrealistic and that I needed to give up something (she sounded like I needed to give up school more than work, and that I needed to pay more attention to my family). Ok. To a degree that's true, we don't ever go out as a family much anymore, but that's because our schedules are the opposite... well, the point is: I'm not gonna give up my dream of medical school because society tells me staying at home is more important to my family.
For thousands of years women have stayed at home and done the nurturing and taking care of the children, while the men have gone out hunting and now, working. But since women have become such an important part of the workforce, and some families need that 2nd income (either from working at home or outside the home), women have not necessarily put their families/kids in the backburner, they just learned to adjust to having a work life and a family life.
It's especially a huge problem here in Utah with the LDS church saying it's important for women to go to school, but also to stay at home with their kids. So women are supposed to spend thousands of dollars for schooling only to stay home (because most likely they got married and had kids while going to school) and not fulfill the dream of a career they studied for 4-8 years?
It's possible to juggle both, and be happy doing both. I've been doing this "full time work, full time school, full time mom/wife" role for 6 weeks now and it's been doable. Yeah, it's been busy, and sometimes I felt like punching a hole through the wall, but it's fine. I work because we need the income and it's become my social life. I go to school because it's not only my hobby, but it's necessary education for my future. And I'm a mom because... it happened. LOL I like all 3 roles, and I don't need someone telling me I'm going to fail at one of them, because I can do this. Elijah, Jacen, and I are going to make it work for us. Elijah's gonna be a SAHD for 7+ years and he's happy with that decision. We're all happy with it. But for someone to imply that I was going to fail as a mom and a wife because I want to be happy with myself as a doctor???
Nah, I don't think so.
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7 comments:
Siliva, I think what you are doing is amazing!! Seriously, I admire you. But you're right, every woman is different. I don't particularly want to work 8-5pm or whatever hours for the rest of my life, or even next year...I've found it's not something I really enjoy doing. I haven't been a mother yet, so we'll see how that goes. But I'm very glad I went to school and got my bachelor's because I can use that education throughout my life and in my home (when I'm a stay at home Mom) and if something ever happens to Denis (it better not!) than at least I'm a little bit better prepared to provide for a family. However, I don't think there is anything wrong with having a stay at home Dad, that's great! And you're going to be an amazing doctor, don't let anyone take your dreams away from you:)
Seriously, I know where you're coming from...I get the "poor Shauna, she's not married and doesn't have any kids..." look and attitude from a lot of people. I have a career I love and a pretty darn good life, but because it's not "conventional" people can't imagine how I'd be happy. So, I feel your pain and I admire all the sacrifices you make every day to do something that in the long run will make you and your family happy!! So you go girl!!! :)
I know how you feel, I always get comments about how hard it must be to work and be a mom. It is, and its not my choice, but its what I have to do right now for our family. I hate how people always make you feel bad about it. Especially here in Utah, people expect you to be super mom!
Girlie!! You can and will do all of this, and your not going to fail at any of it!! Dont let anyone tell you differently!!
Don't listen to those people. I really admire you. It takes a strong person to balance family, work, and school. Just because you work and go to school doesn't mean you're a bad mom. I get those comments all the time on how hard it must be to work and take care of kids. yes it is hard, but you do what you have to, and you do what is best for your family.
Ok, whoever it was who said that must not know you AT ALL Silvia if she said something like that! When I found out you were planning on doing med school, my first thought was how that would be hard for the average person, but if anyone can do it plus being a mom and working, it's you Silvia. I look up to you so much for what you're doing. It makes me so irritated that it's stressed so much that we need to get an education, yet stay at home. It is not the plan for everyone. Times have changed. Women are needed in the workforce and there's no reason why we can't pursue our dreams and goals, and at the same time have a family. Anyway, I could rant about this for awhile so I'll stop :) Just know that everyone who truly knows you, will be behind you on this and know you are fully capable of doing anything you set your mind to, including this!
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