And 2 more weeks to go...

Summer just flew by like the speed of light. Holy cow! I'm so glad I got to be at home, school free, and be with Jacen- sleep deprived or not, it was still good. I'm a little disappointed at how I didn't accomplish my ultimate goal for the summer, which was to get Jacen somewhat back into the potty training routine. I do have excuses for that:
1) Back in May-June my body was burnt out from all the working and studying and worrying I did in the Spring semester. I felt so awful and out of it, I wasn't feeling good for a whole month. It sucked! At least I pulled a graduation out of it- with honors. I have no idea how that happened.
2) Our vacation to the East Coast definitely threw us off the schedule. Which is good at a certain point, it's nice to break the monotonous routine every once in a while. However, it's not good to do it while you're teaching your kid to go to the bathroom instead of going in their pants!
3) I've steadily gotten worse at the whole "staying-up-after-working-a-12hr-shift-all-night-long" ordeal. I used to be really good at it. But I think that as I get older, my body just decided it wasn't gonna take much more of it. And because I always work "one on, one off, one on, one off", I never recoup. So I'm constantly dragging and napping literally EVERY day, because I either worked the night before, or I work that night. Therefore, I never feel like taking Jacen every hour and putting him on the Froggy (that's his potty's name eheh). I could easily fall asleep on the cold tile and have a great nap that way.
4) The heat in our place is unbearable. Another way to make you really tired, therefore, you do not want to do anything except lay around watching TV.

Which brings me to another point... I think I let Jacen watch way too much TV. For example, he loves Little Einsteins so much that he can say "pat, pat, pat" and "blastoff". Yet he doesn't say "Mom" very often. Hmmm... And I got him addicted to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Sesame Street. I feel terribly guilty, but when all you want to do is sleep, and there is no one else to watch your baby 3 days/week, the TV becomes your best friend and an awesome babysitter. I don't have much of a social life, but it's been good spending my somewhat of an awake time with Jacen.

Now my summer is dwindling to an end, and the real deal is about to start. I'm getting very nervous for what's about to begin.
(COMMERCIAL: I promise I won't be depressing, I'll just be "thoughtful" for this post :P)
Pardon the interruption.... as I was saying before.. I'm getting very nervous and excited and scared all at the same time. How's that possible, to feel all of those feelings about one particular matter? Yes, it's about school. And I know you're all probably sick and tired of hearing about it, but I just can't help myself but to wonder how everything will work out. I've just always been so used to working with people who are working towards their Nursing degrees, that I feel like an outsider and more of a loner since I've made the switch. Not to mention my W-E-I-R-D undergrad major!
It's hard to share feelings like these with people who haven't been there before, or who will never be there. Which is why I have been trying to be private about it. And I turned to strangers for help and support, who are going through the same thing. I joined this awesome forum on the internet called MomMD, and I love the support I'm getting. They are all moms who are premed, in med school, residents, or doctors themselves. It's good to know that people can do what I'm trying to do. I mean, some women even have babies while they're in med school! :O I personally find that horrifying, but they can make it work. And if they can make it work at the worst possible time and be happy and content with their decision, I think I can too. I love reading their blogs about their weeks of horrible BioChem blocks and terrible 100-hr weeks as residents. If they can jump through all those hoops and come out on top, while being a mom, a wife, and a friend, I feel empowered to do the same.
I love medicine. Since the day I decided it was the right career for me, I have never gone back. I have even attempted changing my career choice to being a PA or a NP, but it's not satisfying me enough. You know when you feel right about something, and feel wrong about something else? That's how it is for me. And I KNOW it'll be so rough. I'll hardly see my kids growing up, and poor Elijah will be left to care for 2 kids and do all the housework by himself. And who knows if we'll have family within a 100 mile radius. But every doctor that I've talked to, or read about, said they had time to do other things besides studying most of their time. Which brings me hope for the future, knowing that I can still be there- not a whole lot, but I can still show up and be a mom, a wife, and a friend. Please know that I will never abandon any of you. Just because I've got one million things to do, it doesn't mean we can't ever talk on the phone, or you can't come over for a quick drink and a chat ;)
I have 2 more weeks to go until my craziness starts. The clock will start counting down. It was decided today with PreMed Advising at the U that I have two years until the MCAT. Three years until graduation, and 3 months after that... MED SCHOOL. And that's if I can get in: the SCARIEST part of all :)
I better enjoy my last 2 weeks of freedom!