Update on the Caswell world :)

This will probably be the last post for a while, so I wanted to get everyone updated on what's going on with all of us, since who knows how long until I update this thing again. I may volunteer Elijah for the assignment now, so we'll see :)

ELIJAH'S WORLD: He's working away like always. He sure does have some awesome co-workers. They took the time on wednesday evening after he had left for the day to decorate his cubicle with balloons and confetti for his birthday yesterday. So cute! He's also started playing soccer for an indoor soccer league (Jason Haslam's league), and he's LOVING every minute of it. The downside to it all? Stupid injuries. Sprained thumb, skinned knees and elbows (this is ongoing), and the latest: a sprained ankle. I told him he needed to sit out this next game on Monday but who knows if he will listen *sigh* Also, his CFC website is about to take off, so everyone please make sure to check it out during football season if you're a NCAA College Football fan! (http://www.collegefootballconnection.net/)

SILVIA'S WORLD: My work schedule has finally been adjusted to accommodate my beasty school schedule. I don't think I'll ever work with a better scheduler than Debbie! She is so awesome at the scheduling thing, sometimes I feel guilty asking for days off... Now I work every weekend, which leaves me 5 days of school to do. And yes, I do have school every day, Monday-Friday. I will not have days off until the end of the semester, but it's bitter sweet: at least I don't have to manage being sleep deprived for classes. I haven't found a good routine yet (which I'm desperately looking for!), and I'm sure that as soon as I do, I'll be able to be a little less stressed out. It's hard to manage 15 credits and work full-time. I think that's why I ended up going into the ER last saturday with pain, not to mention all the nausea. All this stress is definitely making me sick.

JACEN'S WORLD: That little stinker is into EVERYTHING. And I mean, EVERYTHING. I tell him not to touch one thing, and he goes to the next forbidden thing. *sigh* He's definitely keeping me busy. He's so stinkin' cute though. It's hard to be mad at him for too long. Some of his latest achievements:

A) Putting himself into timeout.

B) Saying "Coo" for "Cool"

C) Saying "Ook" for "Look"

D) Chasing daddy around the house

E) Calling people on the phone and actually talking to them (in his own baby gibberish, of course)

F) Eats with a spoon- still a little messy, but overall gets the job done.

G) More cuddly than ever.

So there. He's doing a good job. His separation anxiety has toned down considerably in the last month. He went from crying for hours while I was gone to only 2 minutes tops. That is a HUGE deal. I'm glad I don't have to leave feeling bad for whoever is babysitting anymore. YOWZA!

All in all, we're busy, but it's okay. I'm blessed with the opportunity to go to school and not have to pay a single dime for it (including my books, and some leftover money!), and to be able to have a supportive family. That does make a world of difference :) Thanks for everyone who has been sending us positive thoughts. We need every single one of them!

Happy birthday to Elijah!

This year I decided to throw Elijah a surprise birthday party. I don't think he's had one in AGES! Although his birthday isn't until the 27th, I decided to do it yesterday because of school starting. I didn't want him to think I wasn't going to do anything for it!
Our crazy day started at 5:30am, when we decided it was time for me to go to the ER. I had been having pain on my right side of the abdomen for 2 nights, and finally it got severe enough that we thought it may be appendicitis.
After having a CT scan and a pelvic exam (the latter I thought was unnecessary), we considered it to be a mysterious pain and I got discharged around 10am. Even though my blood pressure plummetted (went from 135/71 at arrival to 90/50 at discharge) and nearly passed out a few times, I decided we still needed to do the birthday party, despite the fact I was nauseated. So I got out of bed at 11am and started cleaning the house.... smart, huh? Eventually I went to Baskin Robbins to pick up his A*W*E*S*O*M*E ice cream cake (white cake and cookie dough ice cream). By the time I made it home to send him out of the house, I couldn't even lift a finger... I wanted to go to bed so bad, but bigger plans were in the horizon, and I couldn't cancel the party then since it would start in 15 minutes!
Once all our guests arrived and we waited for Elijah, he finally showed back home at the appointed time. He was so excited to see everyone!

Here are all our guests :)

We had to quickly sing Happy Birthday (which, by the way, I found out that you're not supposed to sing it in public unless you have rights from whoever wrote the song) before the cake would melt. It was soooo yummy! Oh, and you can't really see it in the picture, but Elijah just turned 24 :)

It was a great birthday party and thanks to everyone that showed up! Sorry I was a terrible host.... I was so pooped by the end of the day, but it was worth getting out of bed for it!

Happy 24th Birthday, Elijah!

And 2 more weeks to go...

Summer just flew by like the speed of light. Holy cow! I'm so glad I got to be at home, school free, and be with Jacen- sleep deprived or not, it was still good. I'm a little disappointed at how I didn't accomplish my ultimate goal for the summer, which was to get Jacen somewhat back into the potty training routine. I do have excuses for that:
1) Back in May-June my body was burnt out from all the working and studying and worrying I did in the Spring semester. I felt so awful and out of it, I wasn't feeling good for a whole month. It sucked! At least I pulled a graduation out of it- with honors. I have no idea how that happened.
2) Our vacation to the East Coast definitely threw us off the schedule. Which is good at a certain point, it's nice to break the monotonous routine every once in a while. However, it's not good to do it while you're teaching your kid to go to the bathroom instead of going in their pants!
3) I've steadily gotten worse at the whole "staying-up-after-working-a-12hr-shift-all-night-long" ordeal. I used to be really good at it. But I think that as I get older, my body just decided it wasn't gonna take much more of it. And because I always work "one on, one off, one on, one off", I never recoup. So I'm constantly dragging and napping literally EVERY day, because I either worked the night before, or I work that night. Therefore, I never feel like taking Jacen every hour and putting him on the Froggy (that's his potty's name eheh). I could easily fall asleep on the cold tile and have a great nap that way.
4) The heat in our place is unbearable. Another way to make you really tired, therefore, you do not want to do anything except lay around watching TV.

Which brings me to another point... I think I let Jacen watch way too much TV. For example, he loves Little Einsteins so much that he can say "pat, pat, pat" and "blastoff". Yet he doesn't say "Mom" very often. Hmmm... And I got him addicted to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Sesame Street. I feel terribly guilty, but when all you want to do is sleep, and there is no one else to watch your baby 3 days/week, the TV becomes your best friend and an awesome babysitter. I don't have much of a social life, but it's been good spending my somewhat of an awake time with Jacen.

Now my summer is dwindling to an end, and the real deal is about to start. I'm getting very nervous for what's about to begin.
(COMMERCIAL: I promise I won't be depressing, I'll just be "thoughtful" for this post :P)
Pardon the interruption.... as I was saying before.. I'm getting very nervous and excited and scared all at the same time. How's that possible, to feel all of those feelings about one particular matter? Yes, it's about school. And I know you're all probably sick and tired of hearing about it, but I just can't help myself but to wonder how everything will work out. I've just always been so used to working with people who are working towards their Nursing degrees, that I feel like an outsider and more of a loner since I've made the switch. Not to mention my W-E-I-R-D undergrad major!
It's hard to share feelings like these with people who haven't been there before, or who will never be there. Which is why I have been trying to be private about it. And I turned to strangers for help and support, who are going through the same thing. I joined this awesome forum on the internet called MomMD, and I love the support I'm getting. They are all moms who are premed, in med school, residents, or doctors themselves. It's good to know that people can do what I'm trying to do. I mean, some women even have babies while they're in med school! :O I personally find that horrifying, but they can make it work. And if they can make it work at the worst possible time and be happy and content with their decision, I think I can too. I love reading their blogs about their weeks of horrible BioChem blocks and terrible 100-hr weeks as residents. If they can jump through all those hoops and come out on top, while being a mom, a wife, and a friend, I feel empowered to do the same.
I love medicine. Since the day I decided it was the right career for me, I have never gone back. I have even attempted changing my career choice to being a PA or a NP, but it's not satisfying me enough. You know when you feel right about something, and feel wrong about something else? That's how it is for me. And I KNOW it'll be so rough. I'll hardly see my kids growing up, and poor Elijah will be left to care for 2 kids and do all the housework by himself. And who knows if we'll have family within a 100 mile radius. But every doctor that I've talked to, or read about, said they had time to do other things besides studying most of their time. Which brings me hope for the future, knowing that I can still be there- not a whole lot, but I can still show up and be a mom, a wife, and a friend. Please know that I will never abandon any of you. Just because I've got one million things to do, it doesn't mean we can't ever talk on the phone, or you can't come over for a quick drink and a chat ;)
I have 2 more weeks to go until my craziness starts. The clock will start counting down. It was decided today with PreMed Advising at the U that I have two years until the MCAT. Three years until graduation, and 3 months after that... MED SCHOOL. And that's if I can get in: the SCARIEST part of all :)
I better enjoy my last 2 weeks of freedom!

Another IHC rant...

NOTE: Don't get me wrong here, this company has provided me with stable employment (which is hard to find these days) for the last 5 years of my life.
Their benefits are at best mediocre compared to what other employees get from their HR at other companies, and let's not even mention the pay.... It's just plain awful. I could easily go to another hospital chain in the valley and get paid $2-3/hr more for what I do. And the poor RNs? They make next to nothing compared to other RNs elsewhere.
I've just recently began following a blog called "The Placebo Journal Blog: Medical Humor with a Purpose" and I just came across this post written by Theodore Bacharach, MD, which thoroughly sums up my opinion about IHC and their "Not-for-profit" slogan (or whatever you might want to call it):

There are a tremendous number of “organizations” that are “Not For Profit”. These organizations manage to stuff my mailbox each day with requests for funds. The government apparently encourages this by offering them postal rates far below what other hardworking citizens pay. These organizations also are able to own property for which they are tax exempt. I am sure some of these organizations are truly helpful and accomplish many noble deeds, there are however many organizations that have found the “Not For Profit” label a way to avoid taxes and increase revenues and provide their managers with salaries in the millions.
I suggest that even in the case of “Not For Profit “ hospitals this loophole has been very effective and CEO’s are not doing without. In many areas it is interesting to find that the “For Profit “ hospitals provide medical care at costs well below those of their “Not For Profit” competitors.
I suggest that all of us need to reexamine the benefits enjoyed by organizations hiding both their profits (benefits in the form of salaries and bonuses enjoyed by their managers and CEO’s) as well as properties they control, to determine whether their good deeds truly deserve all of the benefits they enjoy.

This quote has IHC plastered all over it, don't you think?
Now does anyone wonder what happens to the money you spend on your $2000/night stay at the hospital? The RN that just took care of you didn't get paid $2000, and the water you used to flush the toilet with didn't cost as much as a can of soda does.
...the only reason why I don't ever leave is because I love my boss, the people that I work with, and the work that I do. I couldn't care less about the rest.

Birthday highlights

Wow... there are no words to describe how my birthday was on Monday! I tear up just thinking about it.
I do have to start by saying how I miss my birthdays from when I was younger... a lot younger.

Every year, either my mom or my aunt would bake me a cake shaped like Minnie Mouse's head or a Strawberry Shortcake cake, amongst different cartoon-ish characters.

I'd get all sorts of brazilian hors d'oeuvres and the sweet little party treats. My whole family would come over for dinner and we'd have so much fun opening presents....
Then adulthood comes.

How is it that we spend so much time as parents planning incredible, top of the notch birthday parties for our kids every year and we don't spend nearly 1/10 of that time for our own? Do we just all of the sudden stop deserving good birthday parties- or birthdays at all? Let's not even talk about presents at this point... For living these many years, we deserve better birthday parties than our kids! We work so hard, we should party just as hard!

A good rule of thumb, they say, is to invite as many people according to how many years old you're turning. So for example: Jacen turned 1 in April, so he had 1 little friend over. When he turns 2, he'll have 2 friends, and so forth. For adult birthday parties, it should be the same: I should've had 23 people over for a birthday party, but I only managed 1 (thanks Nikki!). My calculations may be wrong, but I think I was short 22 people.... and I had no party at all.

Here's how my birthday went:

-At 3am, upon arriving at the nurse's desk to report amount of urine dumped from foleys in 2 different rooms, I get a *breathe in deep* "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SILVIA... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU" from Debbie, Heidi, and Pam. I first thought they were suffocating and needing oxygen, but they quickly began singing. That was a close call!

-At 7:30am, I drive home from work in a cloud of exhaustion. I pondered over the dilemma of whether or not I should shower before Jacen wakes up. After debating for some time, I decide it's easier on me to shower before going to bed for 1 hour. This should be the only day of the year Jacen really doesn't need to scream his head off while I'm getting myself cleaned up from a 12 hour shift.

-Get up at 9:30am and cook breakfast for me and Jacen. I didn't think it was possible to cook a whole entire meal and not remember any of it. The rest of the morning was spent somewhere still unknown at this time.

-Go to bed at noon and wake up at 2:30pm, just in time to hurry and get dressed before Nikki comes over with AMAZING chocolate cupcakes, along with two crocheted hand towels to hang on my oven door, courtesy of her mom (Michelle- thanks!). In total, I had 2-3 just that afternoon to give me enough of a sugar boost to hold a meaningful and decent conversation with her.

-At 5:15pm, Elijah comes home. In hopes to be able to hold myself awake enough to enjoy a nice, quiet evening together, I take a 15 minute nap on the couch. My nap turned into "Good night, I'm going to bed" at 5:45pm. And the rest of my birthday was spent joyfully in DreamLand....

I sure hope next year to get a bit more planning done ahead of time in order to have more of a decent birthday... along with 24 other friends :)

Happy (Sleepy) 23rd Birthday to me!